Letter4
Jeanie,
Looking forward to seeing DBA rock out tonight!
I slept over my girlfriend's house last night. She'd been away for almost a week and I totally expected us to have sex. She seemed excited to see me...but she was using the ol' monistat 7, know what I mean? So sex was out. I got totally mad. I layed there, fuming, totally sexually frustrated.If this was an isolated incident, that would be one thing, but it's not! It became a huge problem with past girlfriends. I become a total asshole!
So, instead of lying there, fuming all night, I got up, smoked a cigarette, took a shower and took care of my business in there. When I got back, my girlfriend was awake. Totally hurt. I guess a lot of guys in her past would got mad at her when she didn't get them off. So, I brought up all this old shit for her. We talked about it, she got over her anger a bit... still, I'm a little unresolved. I've never asked for anyone's advice on this.
Just call me "Dick"
Dear Dick:
Well, I commend you for confronting your fears and trying to find a solution for this reoccurring problem you are experiencing. my goodness! Rule #1 and MOST important: never ever EVER expect sex from a girl. I guarantee that you WILL BE DISAPPOINTED even by your closest, bestest, special lady. It doesn't matter how sexually active you are with your partner! You must accept the fact that sometimes she's not gonna want to get it on. And vice versa for that matter (seriously! could happen!)
I empathize with sexual frustration, but you need to learn how to control those feelings of anger. Getting upset with a girl for not getting you off is a very, very hurtful thing to do (and also very unproductive! who's gonna wanna have sex with you when you act like a jerk?). Not to say that you are the problem with society by any means, but these incapabillities of men to control their sexual frustrations lead to women being insecure with themselves. And who needs that? Even if you're frustrated that she won't have sex with you or whatever, you need to use your acting skills. There's just absolutely no reason for you to make her feel bad for not wanting to get busy (ESPECIALLY if it's because of the old yeast!). Joe definitely gets frustrated by the fact that i don't want to have sex all the time (he can be a real horn dog), but he never EVER makes me feel bad or makes me feel like he's angry about it. Sure, he's disappointed, but i can deal with disappointment and he knows that i can deal with his disappointment. As much of a physical solution masturbation can be for this problem, it ALSO serves as a mental and emotional solution as well. Why don't you just take this as an opportunity to woo your woman? Take care of the situation yourself! Then maybe she'll get into it. I can say from my own experience that this works! I'll totally be like, "no! i reeeeaaaaaally don't feel like it tonight, beby" and then he'll say, "alright then, i'll just have to take care of it myself". Then i'll just be sitting there, twiddling my thumbs, and most often times i'll get turned on by the fact that he's turning himself on! You really can't lose with this. One of three things will happen. a) she'll get really into and do the nasty with you (although i don't suggest intercourse during any kind of manifestations of infections) b) she won't feel like having sex but will be willing to help out c) she'll turn over and go to sleep and you'll pull out the ol' Hustlers! HOW CAN YOU LOSE? SERIOUSLY?? no matter what happens a, b, OR c, you do what you need to do AND no feelings are hurt. It's silly for feelings to be hurt because of sex. As far as your girlfriend is concerned: you better apologize and mean it by not letting this happen again. Girls are tough. They'll get over these kinds of things, but that doesn't mean that they'll keep you around either!
Oh, and remember to practice safe sex.
xo, jeanie!